I’m proud of my mental game. It helps me learn quicker and perform under pressure.
But last weekend, playing Padel, I realized once again my biggest leak.
The Trigger
It was a great match, very even, great rallies, a lot of fun. After two sets, we were tied (6-7, 6-3). Now there were only 25 minutes left and it wasn’t clear if we would get another set in, to determine a clear winner.
That’s when our opponents started to show they cared a lot about the result.
“So how do we do it when we don’t find a clear winner?” they asked. “Because if we type in a result, even 5-0, if it isn’t a full set, the app will rate it as a draw.”
My Partner and I were both confused. Usually, even when playing ranked matches, we just always put in whatever the score was when the 90 minutes were up. Not really thinking of the impact it would have on the ratings.
After a small discussion, we settled on our approach (they wanted to round up, so if someone was 3-2 up, they would just rank it 6-4 for this team. “Surprisingly” it was their turn to serve, so that would have given them a big advantage).
Already at this point I felt irritated and a little emotionally loaded. We’ll get to why exactly later on.
“Great Serve”
With little time left, and their urge to win the match, our opponents started to be hectic, pushing us to play quickly so the match can still end. They also started serving just a little bit more outside of the grey zone, into what is just an illegal serve (serving above the waistline is not allowed in padel, but it is really hard to call / kinda vague).
With my frustration building up, I started playing badly. I wasn’t focused on the match, but just thought about how unfair/annoying their behavior was. Sure enough, we were down 4-0 extremely quickly.
Then, the final nail in the coffin happened. Just when we started a comeback, in a very important point, my partner served perfectly legal and made the point. They called the ball out. This wasn’t one of these “not sure if the shot just barely touched the line” balls. It was not even on the line. We were both sure the ball was in.
But, as we both are trying to avoid conflicts on the court, we swallowed also this and continued to play. We lost the set 6-1 and the match.
The result doesn’t matter. What is sad is that I didn’t enjoy a single minute of the last set and had a bitter taste for the first hour after the match.
The Trigger
I’ve had similar situations happening in the past. The trigger I’ve identified is related to fairness.
When I feel unfairly treated, I go into shutdown mode, play badly, get increasingly frustrated and have a hard time coming back to my a-game.
The trigger is stronger when it is a clearcut thing, for example calling an obviously good ball out, but can already build up when someone might be serving at the limit of legality, which can definitely happen without bad intent on our level.
No matter if you think this is justified or not, there are a range of issues with this trigger derailing me from playing my best.
Outside of my Control
Especially in a sport where you often play against strangers, I have absolutely no way to control how they act. And to be honest, anything that is a little bit competitive (has a rating) and involves predominantly males, has a big chance of being too competitive, tryhard & what I perceive as unfair.
Reflecting on the experience, my first intuition was: just don’t play against strangers anymore.
That would be the only way to try to avoid this trigger from happening in the first place. But it also robs me of the opportunity to play this sport and meet new people. I strongly believe this is the wrong approach.
Instead, what I should work on is how I respond when something like that happens.
Focus on what you can control.
Online Chess Can Be Triggering
This is also what I always preach to my chess students.
Don’t just stop playing online, just because some people run out their time, write annoying things in chat or try to flag you in a position you feel it isn’t appropriate (what is fair is often extremely personal and subjective, which makes this an even bigger problem).
Instead, notice what triggers you, remind yourself the best way to respond is playing your a-game and get back to a positive mindset as quickly as possible.
Because this is the biggest issue in these situations:
People who want to win so much that they, consciously or not, go into the grey zone or cheat just a little bit, are rewarded if people like you and I get irritated, play badly and lose. Intentionally or not, they achieved their main goal. They won the match. Which re-inforces their behavior.
So the best way to fight back is to find a way to bring our a-game.
This is my main focus for my upcoming matches: play my best, especially when this trigger comes up.
What Triggers You?
I’ll leave you with this question. It could be your own mistakes, losing a won position, an opponent who offers a draw in a totally lost position or anything else that happens during a chess game.
Become aware of the trigger. Be curious instead of condemning yourself for getting triggered. Slowly work on bringing your a-game even if this happens.
And if you want to dig deeper, dive into your past to understand why this triggers you so much. That’s a very personal story I will keep for myself for now 🙂
PS: When I was a professional chess player, I cared a lot (too much) about results and can see how I could have irritated some of my opponents, just becuase I cared so much. So one way for me to get less emotional in these moments is to tell myself: “This could have been me a few years ago”. Makes it more relatable and I can be compassionate instead of upset.
Keep improving,
GM Noël
PPS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
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