Hey everyone,
This article is a special one, and one that I thought about never sending out. I wrote it while sobbing in front of the TV, partly as therapy for myself and partly to help someone else in the same/similar shoes. I didnt’ feel like editing anything, because it came straight from my heart. Excuse me in advance for being much less to the point. If it touches one person reading this, sharing it was worth it.
Chess Saved My Life
Chess, for me, has been an escape. A hope for a better future. I went from a bullied Kid who didn’t see the point in living any longer to someone people look up to. It still feels surreal. Now, I earn money helping others get better at chess. Sometimes, I think, “Why?”. What’s the point? Do I even have a real impact?
Then, I remember my younger self. How much this game gave me. How it gave me hope when everything looked so bad. When I ran home with a bloody nose, beaten up just because I was different. I lost myself in these 64 squares where everything is fair. No injustice. No advantage or disadvantage (except for the first move – but that equalizes over time). Just a game where the better may win. A game so complex, you can study it forever. And escape from what hurts so much.
The skills I got in chess slowly helped me believe in myself. To go for a different life. To break stereotypes and do what feels right.
Just before writing these lines, I sat on my sofa crying, probably for the first time in over a year. I’m working on letting my emotions go and not controlling everything with my brain. I saw a story from a bullied kid who realized their dream of becoming a dancer. For him, dancing was the same escape chess was for me. Now, he wanted to send a message of hope and a better future through his dancing.
It made me realize helping others improve their chess is my vehicle for transmitting hope. The rating points gained are nothing compared to the stories behind them. Because my core message might get lost in the chess advice, here is what I would like to say to little Noël and anyone who needs to hear a message of hope.
1. Believe in yourself
You are so much more capable than you think. The most “successful” people are flawed humans who honed a skill, never gave up and try to improve every day.
Speaking of success. What society defines as success is a whole lot of BS.
2. Success means living your life according to your own values. And to have a positive impact on those around you.
In the eyes of many, I abandoned success twice. First, I gave up the hope of becoming a successful lawyer, CEO, or doctor (some of the jobs my parents would have liked me to go for) to pursue a chess career (before chess was cool!). Then, when it finally started to pay off, finances got better, chess became cool, my rating went up, I stopped without any plan for a future. I started from 0 as a coach and blogger. Back to step 1. For 18 months, I used up my savings because I barely made any money.
Yet, I felt and feel much better. I can work whenever I feel like. Help people. Have a positive impact. And I don’t have to travel to tournaments that I don’t want to play anymore. That is my success.
3. If nobody dislikes you, you aren’t truly yourself.
Us humans are all so similar, yet so different. It is impossible to be liked by everyone. The more true to yourself you are, the more people will think you are crazy and strange (insert worse insults). Who decides what being crazy really means? I would argue, studying a subject you don’t like, to work at a job you’ll hate, to buy a house that doesn’t make you happier… doing all of this to impress people you don’t like (or maybe even know), is crazy. Yet, that’s what society teaches us to do.
No matter what you do, how nice you are, how hard you try, someone will dislike you. And if you then make any dent in the world, as a thank you there will be haters. People who love nothing more than to see you fail. As long as you have a net positive impact and try your geniune best, this has nothing to do with you.
4. The goal is really only a direction.
For years, I believed that by becoming a Grandmaster, I would finally feel good, proud of all my work, and that all the pain would be worth it for this one achievement. I would have finally “made it”. Then, when achieving it in 2017, I was excited for 1 hour… before realizing I felt even worse than before. Not only did my problems stay the same, but now the hope that one single achievement would change everything was gone. I entered what I call the GM depression (I observed this with many friends who got the GM title or achieved a big “lifelong” goal).
So, was all my effort wasted? Should you not go for big lofty goals?
No!
Going for it, working on myself taught me how to become a better person. I met the love of my life, worked with fabulous people and I laid the groundwork of what now is a job I love (back then I had no idea I would become an author/coach). The journey truly is what matters. Your goal is only an indication of direction. On the way there, so many unforseen things will happen that will make the journey worthwile.
I get asked often if I regret never crossing 2600 FIDE (my all-time high was 2588 FIDE). I can wholeheartedly say no. You know when I knew I needed to stop playing chess? It was when I thought:
“Let me reach 2700 (my long-term goal), then I will have succeeded, and I can stop playing”. When the goal is the only thing that matters and you don’t enjoy the journey, it is time to switch up something.
5. The Perspective
What I want to tell you is: keep going. Trust yourself. Be unique. Learn, live, laugh.
And in moments where anything seems to hard to keep going, use this one magic trick. It is free and always available.
Switch your perspective.
Every single situation can be looked at from different perspectives. Victor Frankl, a concentration camp survivor, managed to change his perspective while being tortured. If a man in such a seneless, injust and hopeless situation manages to change his perspective, you can too.
Life is a unique opportunity. And we humans are lifelong learners. As long as there is life, there is going to be change. And that leads to the hope of a better future.
If you read so far, thank you for your time. And sorry for this word salad, I have little experience writing when so emotional. Thanks to you I can do something as work I find truly meaningful. And if this helped you, share it with a friend you believe would benefit too from reading this.
Here is to more chess improvement. Not because rating matters. But to show yourself you can. To become more confident. To feel smart and in control. And to forget the world around you for a brief moment.
To play – and enjoy – a nice game of chess.
You got this. If I did it, you can do it too. I believe in you.
GM Noël Studer
PS: To any of my loved ones reading this. Thank you for being on this wild ride with me. I truly appreciate you. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it through my darker periods. Big hugs.
PPS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
