I speak five languages fluently: German, French, English, Spanish, and Italian.
But it wasn’t always that way.
Back in school, I hated speaking up in Spanish class.
Even when I knew the answer, I hesitated. My grammar wasn’t perfect, and I worried about how I sounded.
Our teacher didn’t help either—she was the type to correct you mid-sentence or give you that “you should know this” look.
So I kept quiet.
Then something changed.
For school, I had to spend three weeks in Spain. And suddenly, I had no other choice but to speak. No one cared about my grammar or accent—they just wanted to understand me. I made mistakes constantly. But I also improved more in those three weeks than in the previous three years of school.
Why?
Because I stopped trying to be perfect—and I just communicated.
That same lesson hit even harder years later, when I met Alessia.
She’s Italian. Her English, at the time, was shaky at best. And most of her friends and family didn’t speak—or even understand—English.
So, once again, I had no choice.
I started speaking a mix of Spanish and what I guessed was Italian.
When I said “pregunta” (Spanish for “question”), she looked confused. I tried to explain. She smiled and said: “Ah, domanda!”
And just like that, I got a free Italian class.
It happened again and again. My pronunciation, sentence structure, and vocabulary all made people laugh.
I love sweets, so when in Italy, I always wanted to go get ice cream. And I vividly remember the laughs every day when I said “gelato.” Alessia and her family told me I pronounced it “Tschelato.”
At first, it bothered me. Then I realized something powerful:
Every laugh was a shortcut to fluency.
(And to be honest, my love for ice cream was bigger than my fear of making mistakes… 🙂)
Every correction meant I’d never make that mistake again.
So I embraced it. Whenever someone looked weird at me or laughed, I just asked: “What should I say instead?”
And I remembered it better than if I’d studied that word ten times in a textbook.
For over eight years, Alessia and I have spoken Italian as our main language at home. Although my grammar is still adventurous from time to time, I watch Italian TV and sometimes even count or think in Italian.
That mindset—being willing to look stupid for the sake of growth—is the reason I picked up Italian in less than a month.
And it’s the same mindset that drives real improvement in chess.
Why Adults Struggle to Improve at Chess
Here’s the thing:
Chess is deeply tied to intelligence in most people’s minds.
Good at chess = smart.
Bad at chess = stupid.
So, every mistake feels personal.
No wonder adult improvers struggle so much. Every blunder hurts. Every loss feels like a blow to your identity.
Children don’t have that problem. They blunder, shrug, learn, and move on. Mistakes are just part of the process.
That’s the secret.
Every strong chess player has made thousands of mistakes.
They’ve hung pieces, blundered winning positions, and lost in ridiculous ways.
And they’ve gotten stronger because they learned from those mistakes.
However, many adults try to avoid mistakes at all costs.
You memorize opening lines so you don’t end up in unfamiliar positions. You study books endlessly but rarely play games where you could fail. You try to look smart… instead of getting better.
That’s a mistake in itself.
Because the truth is:
You will make a mistake every single time you sit down to play chess.
That’s not a problem. That’s an opportunity.
If you’re willing to explore new positions, test your ideas, and then analyze what went wrong, you’ll improve faster than anyone stuck in perfectionism.
Stop Avoiding Mistakes. Start Using Them.
Just like I learned Italian by mixing in Spanish and saying the wrong thing a hundred times…
You can learn to play better chess by pushing yourself into the unknown and reflecting afterward.
Yes, you’ll feel stupid sometimes.
Yes, you’ll make blunders.
But every mistake—when analyzed—is a step forward.
So don’t try to look smart. Try to get better.
Let go of your ego, lean into discomfort, and remind yourself:
Every correction is a free lesson. Every mistake is a shortcut—if you’re willing to learn from it.
PS: Also in language learning, there are things I simply couldn’t care less about. My goal was to speak fluently, so I had 0 interest in learning some absurd grammar nobody even cares about. If you want to improve quickly at anything, you need to filter for what matters and focus on that while saying no to many things that don’t make a difference. That also goes for my English. I’m aware I still make many grammatical mistakes, but as long as I can bring my points across, who cares?
PPS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
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