The list of things I feel I should, or have to do, is endless. Even though I am self-employed (and clearly very privileged) and have a lot of flexibility on paper, the have-tos and should’s make me feel caged.
Like I’m running on a treadmil all day long.
I’m sure you know that feeling.
You tick off one thing after another, just to realize more appear on this imaginary have-to list.
I have to sleep early.
I have to eat healthily.
I should answer all my emails.
I should write another article.
I should add another module to my course.
The list is endless.
The weight of it really tears me down. I realized I had to do something about it.
So, over the past few weeks, I’ve been experimenting with a small mindset trick that has had a significant impact on my well-being. I’m sure I’ve heard of some version of it in some podcast, or read it in a book. I sadly can’t recall the source.
From Must to Want
The shift is super simple.
Whenever I feel like I have to do something, I try to shift perspectives and say I want to do this instead.
This small shift brings me from a place of force, like I have no choice, and it is an absolute disaster, to a place of moving towards a goal that is important for me.
“I have to go to bed early” —> “I want to feel recharged tomorrow, that’s why I want to go to bed early today.”
“I have to say no because I am on a diet” —> “I want to feel healthier, that’s why I want to say no to sweet snacks.”
From work to household chores, to training any skill, I can use this in every part of my life. And it has a big impact on my day to day life.
The Yo-Yo Effect
The biggest change I felt was avoiding the Yo-Yo effect I see so often in my life.
First, I put myself on a strict diet, digital detox, work schedule, you name it, and I stick to it begrudgingly for a few weeks or months.
Then at some point I quit, and when I do, I finally feel like I can eat sweets again, watch YouTube videos, procrastinate a little… And because I feel I had such a huge deficit, because “I had to” stay clean, I see no limits anymore.
In diet, this is called the Yo-Yo effect. People go on very strict diets and once they stop, they can’t keep their weight but win all of it back (and often some more). Then, they repeat the process several times, until either they find a more sustainable alternative or give up on losing weight altogether.
I Can, But I Choose Not To
When I tell myself I have to follow a specific very strict routine, it is like I string up a bow. At some point, I’ll need to release and everything comes full swing back into motion.
Not ideal.
Instead, now that I remind myself I choose to, there is suddenly no force involved. It might be a little less effective short term, because I have to admit sometimes I do snack, procrastinate and spend too much time on my damn phone.
More often than not, though, I choose to do what is in line with my values and brings me closer to my goals.
This gives me back the power over my own life and generally makes me a happier person. I’m not frustratingly sitting at home because “I have to do my taxes”, but instead “I choose to do my taxes, so I can enjoy a free weekend”.
Application in Chess
If you want to improve your chess, at some point, you won’t get around solving difficult positions (mostly tactics) and playing games. For most, either of these activities are more connected to stress and thus most just don’t do it, or feel forced to do them.
I realize with many students that if they see tactics as a chore they “have to do because Noël told me so”, they will inevitably lose the habit, or at the very least not do it the right way.
If that sounds like you, try out this little mindset shift.
Switch from:
I have to
to
“I want to solve difficult tactical positions, because I want to improve my game.”
When you look at your plan and think, “Ugh, today I have to solve tactics” or “why do I always have to write down my solution before executing the puzzle”, remember the shift and change it to:
“Today I want to solve tactics by writing down the solutions on every puzzle, because this helps me improve my game.”
It is your free choice that you try to improve your chess game. Make it feel that way every time you sit down, even if at this very moment you can think of many other things you’d rather do.
At the end of the day, you do this for your future self because you want to be a better chess player. Nobody forces you.
Will This Solve All Our Problems?
Nope. I’m aware there are limits to this.
But it has been a little hack that has significantly improved my life, just by changing one single word.
It’s pretty cool. Try it out. I hope it helps you too.
Keep improving,
GM Noël Studer
PS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
Whenever you’re ready, here is how I can help you:
- Want to know How to train chess well? Check out The Simplified Chess Improvement System. This course taught 800+ students the How of Chess Training. Create your high-quality chess plan and learn how to study each part of Chess, from tactics to openings & endgames. Click here to learn more.
- Rated below 1200 Chess.com? Need to refresh your fundamentals? Check out my course, Beginner Chess Mastery. You’ll learn all the fundamentals, from strategy to how to get the most out of your pieces, tactics, and endgames. You even get a full opening repertoire for free. Click here to learn more.
