Hey everyone,
this is a very personal one. I wrote it both as a reminder for myself, and for anyone else struggling with too high expectations. They are slowly but surely burning us out and eating us from inside.
Let me tell you:
You are enough.
You are not your rating.
Chess rating doesn’t determine if you are smart or not.
Enjoy.
I used to think the solution to stress and overwork was simple:
Just do less. Work fewer hours. Take more time off. Be strict about weekends. And damn I got good at this.
But somehow, the stress didn’t fully go away.
Which, as it turns out, is a terrible way to relax.
Trying to force relaxation only made me feel worse, like I was failing at even that.
So I began to see the real problem:
Structure is helpful. But it’s only a tactic. A patch on a wound.
The deeper wound was this relentless pressure I put on myself, to always be productive, always move forward, always “make the most” of everything.
I often quoted my life-motto as:
Making the most out of every moment I get.
Which sounds good, but puts a lot of pressure on myself. Any misstep, mistake or slight pause might mean I get away from this motto.
What helped me truly heal, especially last year, as I overcame the lingering symptoms of my brain injury, was something else entirely:
I stopped expecting so much from myself.
I allowed myself to say:
- “I’m okay if this week all my work leads to nothing.”
- “I’m okay if I stagnate for a year.”
- “I’m okay if I don’t work productively at all today.”
And something magical happened.
That heavy weight lifted.
Not all at once, but slowly, steadily.
I felt a sense of ease I hadn’t felt in years.
Once that weight was gone, I could work again, not from a place of pressure or fear, but from presence and calm.
Not out of need, but out of joy.
Letting Joy Lead (Again)
I’m writing this now because I’ve just come out of another cycle of forgetting that lesson.
From August to October last year, I felt free.
I felt light. Joyful. Energized.
I was exploring ideas, building things, creating content, not because I had to, but because I wanted to.
There was no pressure. No three-year plan. No checklist of things I “must” accomplish.
And ironically? I did more than usual. And I loved it.
But slowly, as I began working on the new version of the Simplified Chess Improvement System…
As I created a detailed three-year vision…
As I set goals for where I “should” be…
I slipped back into my old pattern.
It was subtle at first.
But lately, I’ve felt more fearful. More tense. Less happy.
And the symptoms I once had from my brain injury, the headaches, the poor focus, the tightness, came back.
I finally allowed myself to feel it.
And to admit: This isn’t the way.
I don’t want to chase a vision like a man who’s not allowed to rest.
Because the truth is, I am safe. I am well. I’m doing okay, more than okay.
Yes, I have goals. Yes, I have a vision.
But I don’t need to earn my rest by achieving them.
I can rest now.
I can work in a way that suits my body, my mind, my season of life.
And most importantly, I can let joy, not pressure, lead the way again.
How This Connects to Chess
I see this same pattern in so many chess players.
They’re not just tired from training too much.
They’re exhausted from expecting too much.
“I need to gain 100 points in three months.”
“I have to finish this course and solve X puzzles this week.”
“I should already be at 2000 by now.”
And so they train harder.
They take less time off.
They feel guilty for relaxing.
And worst of all, they enjoy chess less and less.
Take one of my former students, Peter (name changed).
He never stuck to any plan I gave him.
Not because he was lazy, but because his expectations were so inflated that no plan ever felt like enough.
So he kept trying to “do more,” hoping that would fix the feeling.
But it never does. Because if you expect miracles, nothing feels like progress.
And ironically, the more pressure you put on your training, the worse it tends to go.
You don’t enjoy the process.
You don’t learn as well.
You play worse.
And when the results don’t come, you double down and get even more stressed.
It’s a vicious cycle.
The Belief That Kept Me Stuck
For most of my life, I believed that once I hit my goals, then I’d be able to relax.
I became a Grandmaster.
I built a six-figure business doing what I love.
And yet… that peace never came.
Because every time I hit a goal, I created a new one.
And with it, a new set of expectations.
It never ended.
So I’ve come to believe something very different now:
The real solution isn’t to meet your expectations.
It’s to lower them in the first place.
Letting Go to Move Forward
That doesn’t mean giving up on ambition or growth.
It means creating space for joy and calm alongside it.
It means choosing to believe:
- That you’re okay where you are.
- That your worth isn’t tied to your rating.
- That progress can be slow, and still be meaningful.
When you internalize that, something shifts.
You start to enjoy the journey again.
And ironically, that’s when the results start coming, too.
You are enough. You are not your rating or net worth.
GM Noël Studer
PS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
Whenever you’re ready, here is how I can help you:
- Want to know How to train chess well? Check out The Simplified Chess Improvement System. This course taught 800+ students the How of Chess Training. Create your high-quality chess plan and learn how to study each part of Chess, from tactics to openings & endgames. Click here to learn more.
- Rated below 1200 Chess.com? Need to refresh your fundamentals? Check out my course, Beginner Chess Mastery. You’ll learn all the fundamentals, from strategy to how to get the most out of your pieces, tactics, and endgames. You even get a full opening repertoire for free. Click here to learn more.
