One of the most common questions I get from students in The Simplified Chess Improvement System is: “How can I recover from a bad loss?” I bet you know just how painful it can feel.
You put your heart into the game, and one bad move or a poor tournament performance can leave you feeling defeated, questioning your abilities, and even doubting your worth as a player.
We’ve all been there. For me, this made my professional days so much more painful than they had to be.
Early in my career, I began to realize just how much of my self-worth I was tying to my chess results. It was as if my identity was entirely based on the game, and when things went wrong, I felt like I was failing as a person. A bad result didn’t just feel like a defeat in chess—it felt like a personal failure.
“I’ve worked for this for years, and now I blunder it all away in one silly move? Was this all for nothing?”
In particularly important tournaments, I’d be so upset that I would barely talk with anyone. It definitely wasn’t fun to be around me in those moments…
So I knew I had to do something about it. Even though I never felt like I totally mastered the art of losing without feeling like an idiot, it got way better in the last years of my career.
How I Learned to Cope with Losses: Working with a Sports Psychologist
I worked with a sports psychologist to find techniques that could help me cope with the emotional aftermath of losses. Röbi helped me understand that it wasn’t about avoiding losses—they were going to happen—but it was about finding a way to recover faster and not let those bad results dominate my mindset. It was about changing how I reacted to setbacks, especially when they felt overwhelming.
One of the most valuable techniques I learned during this period was the concept of zooming out. In the heat of the moment—especially in tournaments or during critical games—it’s easy to get drawn into a world where it feels like chess is everything. This intense focus is what makes chess so compelling, but it also has a downside. When things aren’t going well, that same focus can make a bad result feel like a catastrophe. It can feel like the end of the world, as if all your hard work and identity are tied to a single outcome.
Zooming out was the technique that helped me most when I found myself in this place. It was about reminding myself that chess was only one part of my life and there were many other important things beyond the game. I had to step back, take a breath, and regain perspective.
The Game-Changing Tool That Helped Me Reframe My Mindset
One of the ways I practiced this “zooming out” during tournaments was by watching a film called Honig im Kopf (the US version is called Head Full of Honey). The movie is a deeply emotional story about an elderly man with Alzheimer’s and his granddaughter’s efforts to help him find joy in life despite his memory loss. It’s a beautiful and heart-wrenching film that made me reflect on what really matters.
It was deeply emotional for me because my grandmother suffered from dementia too, and passed away during this period. Every time I watched it, I was reminded that there are things that endure beyond a loss. Chess is my passion, yes, but it’s not everything. Life is about relationships, experiences, and things that give us meaning beyond the results we achieve in any single endeavor.
Why I Bought the DVD: Turning a Film into a Personal Tool for Recovery
Honig im Kopf became more than just a film for me—it was a tool. After a bad game or a disappointing tournament, I would watch it. I even bought the DVD and started bringing it with me to tournaments.
When things were particularly bad in a tournament, it became my way of zooming out and reminding myself that there are far more important things in life than the result of a single chess game.
Even as a chess professional. Even if my financial future depended on this game. Even if I worked so hard for this.
Finding Your Own Way to Zoom Out
If you’re struggling with a tough loss, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s a common challenge that all chess players face. But there is a way to cope with the pain. Zooming out—taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture—can help you regain your balance. Whether it’s through a film, a conversation, or any other method that helps you reconnect with what’s important to you, finding a way to zoom out will help you recover faster and more effectively from bad results.
The beauty for you reading this is that:
- Your finances don’t depend on your results
- Chess is a hobby—not a profession
- Your closest friends and family might not even care about chess all that much
So, remember, chess is just one part of your life, and no matter how many setbacks you face, it will never define who you are.
Keep improving,
GM Noël
PS: I’ve used this Zoom-out technique often and have already written articles about different ways of Zoom-out. You can read them here:
PPS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
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