On February 6th I shared a story of how I got thrown off my best game in a Padel match by unfair/toxic behavior of opponents. I wrote:
“This is my main focus for my upcoming matches: play my best, especially when this trigger comes up.”
Two months later I had a lot of opportunities to test myself under similar circumstances. Turns out playing a sport with a rating attached to it brings out the worst in many people. Here is how I did, and why I’m proud even though on the surface, nothing changed.
The Opportunities For Growth
Since writing the newsletter I had three matches with people who were taking the game way too seriously. Twice I had them as opponents, once I played with someone in the same team.
Step 1: Say Something
The first time I got very upset during the match and didn’t play well. But I did a step in the right direction. Towards the end of the game I confronted my unfair opponent. Instead of just letting it slide, I stood up for my values and said that he clearly tried to act unfairly and I’ll claim that point for myself.
After the match finished, I was clear with him that I’m not planning to play with him again. Even though I was frustrated with my bad play, I was happy that I stood up for what I believed in.
Talking to my Padel Partner, we set ourselves the goal of saying something earlier in the match. We can be kind, but clear and in case of doubt, we can always just replay a point if both sides saw it differently.
Step 2: Keep Playing Well
A few weeks later I played against someone who got extremely upset after every point they lost. Throwing tantrums. After the first set, somehow I became scared and we started playing badly. We were down 0-5 in set #2.
Then, something switched. I told myself: “The only thing I can do is to play well.” We won 4 games in a row, still lost the set, but with the right mindset, we got set 3 and won the match.
A huge step forward.
Even though I failed my goal set in the previous match (to say something quickly), I did manage to play well after having felt the trigger. Another partial success.
Step 3: Call It Out Early
Few days ago I played an open match, which means playing with someone I don’t know. For the first time I experienced having an overly competitive, sore loser partner. It made me feel even more grateful about my usual Padel Partners. And it was another opportunity to test how I react to this kind of behavior.
We lost set #1 0-6. I kept my calm and set #2 was extremely close, we lost in the tie-break 6-7. Then it got even worse in set #3 and I am proud that I said something.
He would usually get all annoyed at any bad shot, even if the ball was still in play. After a point where he did exactly that, I just said:
“Just keep playing instead of whining.”
And to my surprise this is what he said after some pause:
“You are right, I’m sorry.”
After the match, he said sorry once again and told me I could have said something earlier. While it shouldn’t be on me to correct his childish behavior, I felt very good when driving home.
I got the lesson that saying something can result in something positive.
Noël, what in the world does that have to do with chess improvement?
I want to share this because it shows clearly how messy actual improvement feels in the moment. It isn’t linear.
Set a goal, achieve it next time, task done. That’s a dream. Reality is messy.
Instead, it is realizing something that holds us back and then committing to trying to do it better. And on that long road from realizing a trigger to clear, tangible improvement, there are a lot of small twists and turns, new things that come up and small things that we can be happy with.
The most common example for this in chess is applying the basics. Namely, to stop hanging pieces. Every time you do it, it feels so painful. And even if you clearly set it as a goal: “Just don’t hang anything”, especially if you are new to the game, you will inevitably fail.
I’ve worked with a private student who grew increasingly frustrated when facing that reality. The problem was: he was improving, and not only a bit!
While going from roughly 800 to 1250 in a few months, the reality of his games did not change that much. When he lost, he did so because he hung something.
That’s simply how chess works at that level. And instead of focusing on the big improvements, hanging fewer pieces, hanging them in more complex circumstances or under pressure only, he just focused on the problem still being the same.
I invest so much time and I still hang stuff. I feel stupid and like a failure.
But he wasn’t a failure. He was doing exactly what I did in those Padel matches. Making real progress that looked like the same problem on the surface.
That’s why it is so essential that you celebrate these small, incremental steps in the right direction. Especially when the outcome is still the same.
It felt so good in my car to see this clearly, and be proud of my actions even though we lost the match.
Keep improving,
GM Noël Studer
PS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 17,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
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