I always believed that if I became a Grandmaster, I could be proud of my game and enjoy chess fully.
When I did it, nothing changed. If anything, I felt more stressed.
My next goal was 2550.
Achieved this, again, nothing changed.
Then, one day I wrote in my diary: I want to become European Champion, reach a 2700 rating, then “I can finally retire.”
That’s when a thought hit me: why not retire now?
Fun can only be in the present
There is a version of this everyone falls for.
The hope that if we just achieve this one goal, we will be able to relax and enjoy our lives.
It is a lie.
If you can’t enjoy your chess games at a 1200 rating, you won’t enjoy them at a 2000 rating.
When I realized this, it was too late for me. I already lost my enjoyment of playing chess. It was more of a burden, something I did because I was good at, not anymore because I loved doing it.
Ending my career was a relief.
I hope it isn’t too late for you.
Fun and still improve
There seemingly is a tension between the enjoyment in the moment and the wish for improvement.
The logic many of us fall for is that we prepare for enjoyment in the future by improving right now.
There is another way.
You can decide chess improvement is a meaningful project you want to go after. To do the hard things, to challenge yourself, to grow as a chess player and person.
And on top of that, you can decide that you enjoy the journey of it.
With all the ups, and more importantly, downs.
Your goals can give you the direction. What makes it special is the journey. The harder you try to avoid the lows, the more they will come, and make you miserable.
What I wish I knew 10 years ago:
- No achievement of a goal will change your inner state.
- You can improve and decide to enjoy the journey.
- It will be hard, but it doesn’t have to make you miserable.
- Enjoyment can only be in the now.
The absurdity of it all is that once we relax just a little, but still keep doing the right training, we are much more likely to play well and improve.
Trying too hard made me miserable. And it also kept me stuck at some point.
I hope you’ll do it better.
PS: Alessia made a great video about enjoying chess recently. Check it out
Keep improving,
GM Noël
PPS: This article was initially sent out to my Newsletter list. If you want to get chess improvement advice for free in your inbox, join 18,000+ chess improvers by signing up for Friday Grandmaster Insights here.
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